In HOOTERS, March 14th, 2009,

      The Declaration of Ignorance of these Red States ofAmerica


When, in the course of recent electoral events, it becomes necessary for one party to lose all sense of reason, and a decent respect towards the different opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to a separation from reality. __ We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all White, Christian, Gun toting, Heterosexual males are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator (Ronald Reagan) with certain unalienable rights, that among these are to be Pro-life, liberate oil from the middle east, and the pursuit of gay bashing.

That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the constant influence of special interests. That whenever any form of government becomes unprofitable to these ends, it is the right of the corporations to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a more profitable government.__ The history of the present King of New England Barack Obama is a history of lefty and socialist ideas. Let facts be submitted

to a candid world. __ He has excited domestic citizens amongst us, and has endeavored to take on the lobbyists and merciless wall street savages, whose known rule of ethics, is a distinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions. __ He has refused to pass laws for the accommodation of large corporations, unless those corporations actually pay taxes. __He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual (Capital Hill), uncomfortable (not the Cayman Islands), and distant from the depository of their Swiss bank accounts, for the sole purpose of passing substantive legislation. __ He has dissolved George W Bush’s signing statements repeatedly, for the purpose of preserving people's civil rights.__ He has refused for a long time (8 whole weeks), after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of honesty, have returned to the people at large for their usual exercise in futility.__ He has endeavored to prevent the annihilation of these states by passing the stimulus bill, and repeatedly tries to help minorities, women, homosexuals, and other un-American non-gated communities.__ He has obstructed the administration of injustice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing a politically motivated Republican justice department.__ He has erected a multitude of new volunteer offices, and sent hither swarms of emails to inform our people of substantive issues.__ He has kept among us, in times of war, standing armies of diplomats without the consent of our Military Industrial Complex.__ He has affected to render the military dependent of and interferer to civil power.__ He has combined with others to subject us to our constitution, and acknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of legislation.__ In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for tax cuts in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by the Socialist agenda of Nancy Pelosi. A princess, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Lefty tree hugger that is unfit to be the speaker of the house. __ Nor have we been wanting in attention to our New England brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. Chuck Norris has reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement in Texas. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation from reality, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.__ We, therefore, the representatives of the Red States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these gated communities, solemnly publish and declare, that these united Red States are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the New England Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of New England, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent red states, they have full power to levy unjust war, conclude that peace is unmanly, contract Halliburton, establish fake commerce, and to do all other vile acts and hideous things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our poor peoples lives, our 401k’s, and our common sense. 

 

Foghorn Leghorn

Chuck Norris, W, Dick Cheney, Darth Vader, Yosemite Sam, Donald Rumsfeld, Bobby Jindal, John Yoo, Mark Sanford, The Boogie Man, John Ashcroft, Ghengis Kahn, Sarah Palin, Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Dennis Miller, John McCain, Sean Hannity, Joe Lieberman, AnnCoulter, John Boehner, Mike Huckabee, Dr Stupid, Jeb Bush, Pat Robertson, The Terminator, Jack Bauer, John Wayne, Dirty Harry, Karl Rove, and any other dumb fuck you can think of.